 Writers seldom choose as friends those self-contained characters who are never in trouble, never unhappy or ill, never make mistakes, and always count their change when it is handed to them. ~ Catherine Drinker Bowen ~
Every writing career starts as a personal quest for sainthood, for self-betterment. Sooner or later, and as a rule quite soon, a man discovers that his pen accomplishes a lot more than his soul.~ Joseph Brodsky ~
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.
~ Mel Brooks ~
To withdraw myself from myself has ever been my sole, my entire, my sincere motive in scribbling at all.~ Lord Byron~
Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.~ Winston Churchill ~
The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from.~ Gene Fowler ~
The characteristic of Chaucer is intensity: of Spencer, remoteness: of Milton elevation and of Shakespeare everything.~ William Hazlitt ~
Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer's loneliness, but I doubt if they improve his writing. He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates. For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.~ Ernest Hemingway ~ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."--Matt Groening--Life in Hell I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
I snore. I don't care. I don't have to. I'm ASLEEP.
If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought 'Where the hell is the ceiling?'
Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are.
I believe that reality's gone, disillusion's real,
I believethat morality's gone, and there's nothing to feel,
if you take the sacred things, the things that we hold dear, empty promise is all you'll find,
so give me something, something to believe in...
Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can't hear mine...
There is an angel inside of me whom I am constantly shocking.
I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on the menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused
A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber.
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Why is it that whe our kids are naughty we ask "do you want a spanking?" What are they going to say, "Yes please, may I have two?"...
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone."--Larry Brown
"America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole."
--Bobcat Goldthwaite
Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
-Ralph Vaull Starr
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...."
-- Carl Zwanzig
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
-- Anonymous
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
--Douglas Adams
"Medicine only works if it's cherry flavored."
-- Elissa, 9
Everything you want isn't everything you need
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
-- Thomas Jones
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
'If you're so evil, why don't you... EAT THIS KITTEN!' 'mew!' 'No way, Mister... that's just WRONG!' - The Tick
"Ever wonder if the light goes out when you close the fridge door? Well, yes it does." - the milk
Hope is NOT a thing with feathers, the thing with feathers is my nephew, and I have to take him to a specialist in Zurich. -Woody Allen
Okay, Okay, so you won't go out with me unless I was the last man on earth ... what if you were a purple frog and I was a green cow? Okay , still no .... What if I had wings, too?
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.
- -J. R. R. Tolkien "Lord of the Riings"
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. " -Douglas Adams
"Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write a swimming pool.'" -Paul McCartney
"There is a shortage of very perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours." - Wesley in The Princess Bride
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." -Douglas Adams
The trouble with doing something right the first time, is nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
"He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each." -Douglas Adams
"He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it..." -Douglas Adams
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
Some artists work in oils, others work with clay. I prefer Jello.
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." --Muhammad Ali
You know what? I'm glad I'm not a laboratory animal. Do you have any idea how many of those little bastards get cancer?
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink
"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe." --Johann von Goethe
When confronted with a knock at the door, a stupid man will complain about all the noise, a normal man will answer it, a smart man will look through the peephole and the wise man won't hear it because he's having sex.
Live such that when you die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
"When I was born, I was so surprised, I couldn't talk for a year and a half!"
The best things in life aren't things.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
"Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards."
R.A. Dickson
"Coffee is hot, and it will burn you if you're not careful. If you don't understand this, then you've got bigger problems than a $2.7 million settlement can solve."
Unknown
"Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going to show."
Mignon McLaughlin
"And how is millions getting nuked a bad thing? I think most of today's modern problems stem from the fact that the world is far too over-populated and there simple are not enough radioactive mutants. Take a look at Japan, they got hit with a couple of nasty bombs and it served as a wake up call for them to get their shit in gear and really turned into a world power.The way the world is crumbling today, it's just one big powder keg waiting to explode. Canada might have just doomed the Earth by entering WWII and accelerating the defeat of the Nazi's like that. Think about that, all you hockey playing bastards. You doomed the planet to destruction. Thanks to you we now have way too many people, and not enough radiated mutants."
Unknown--An American's response to a Candian soldier's comment on how Canada's involvement in WW II saved millions of lives
"Physics isn't a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money."
Leon Lederman
"Heresy is another word for freedom of thought."
Graham Greene
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Winston Churchill
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ...
... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
A bumper sticker
"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well... basically... your house burned even faster."
Ex-Fireman
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, 1949
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off."
Unknown
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners."
Jeff Stilson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
Unknown
"All generalizations are false, including this one."
Unknown
"We can't all be heroes...somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
Unknown
"Clothes do make the man, naked people have little or no influence in society."
Mark Twain
"The victorious general only seeks battle after the victory has been won." Sun Tzu
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Unknown
"Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of."
Unknown
"Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."
Unknown Jennifer: According to this, you're a subtle seductress.
Sunny: I'm a what?
Jennifer: A subtle seductress! (laughing)
Sunny: I always wanted to be a subtle seductress.
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